I have two sons that believe two totally different things about me, and their belief affects the way I care for each of them. One son believes I treat the other son better because that son is the baby. What the older son doesn’t realize is that the younger son has been listening to me when I say, “What is important to you is important to me.” Instead of believing that I don’t care about him, like the older son does, the younger son believes that “Mom will stick up for me if I make my feelings known.” And sure enough, I stick up for him.
The problem is that my older son doesn’t believe I will stick up for him. Plus, he isn’t humble enough to grasp the concept that if he changes his way of thinking, then I’ll change my way of behaving towards him.
This is what happens. I don’t stick up for the older son because he complains about how awful I am instead of telling me what he would like to have happen positively in the future. If the older son were to change his belief, I would change my behavior. He would then see that I love him just as much as his younger brother. But it takes humility for him to realize he is the cause of his problem.